The winter days are still upon us here in southern Ontario, Canada. Where I live, Belleville, Ontario, we are at a more southerly point than 14 of the states in the USA.
Americans are often surprised to hear that. Many envision Canada as a frozen wasteland that is cold and gray for many months of the year. Why do they assume this? It might be because they have never lived here and many have never visited.
I'm a woman. That may seem as rather a redundant statement for me to be announcing, since you all know that already.
As a woman, I do not know how a man'a brain works or why a man reacts the way he does to certain situations. Our brains are inherently different.
- How often does a woman misjudge a man's actions or criticize something a man does because it is not what 'she' would have done?
- How often does this create a problem in a relationship?
- How often does a man misunderstand why a woman acts a certain way or does something as it is not the way he would have done it or acted?
- How often do we stop, before reacting, to consider that perhaps that person's brain and physiology and life circumstances and experiences are different from our own so why would we expect their reactions to situations to be the same as ours?
Tolerance in all things can make the difference between the beginning of a strained relationship between people or a deeper understanding and compassion between the two.
Which would you rather have in your day to day interactions with the people in your life? Understanding, tolerance and compassion or tension and aversion?
So often in my day to day interacting with people, both online and in the real world, I hear someone complaining that they don't like this person or they don't like that person or this person did such and such to them and there fore "I can't stand them" and when I hear these things, I quietly listen.
Then I look at the entire situation, from both sides, and come to my own conclusion. Usually I say nothing, since I don't know the entire history of their relationship, however it always saddens my heart to hear this due to the clearly visible affect the announcing of this is having on the announcer.
I see scowls overtake faces, sense blood pressures rising and feel toxic chemicals surging through the person's body as they allow this thought to not only formulate, but also to gain power and be 'put out there' into the universe.
I always say a small silent, prayer to the universe at these times, to grant this person a greater calm and peace and to open their eyes to what may lay behind the scenes in the life of the person who they have decided they 'can't stand'.
Many quotes come to mind at times like this and sometimes I offer one of them. Sometimes I quietly say to the person, "we each do the best we can with what we've got".
When I say this, the person usually quietens and says a soft 'Yah, I s'pose so.' or they say nothing at all since they realize I'm not about to take part in this bashing of another person.
Forgiveness, and blessing another person who has wronged you or hurt you, not only has a great affect on their life, but also helps you and frees you to remain open and tolerant.
Life is not easy, and no where did I ever hear that it was supposed to be.
However it is as difficult or as complicated as we allow it to be or as we imagine it to be.
Thinking negative thoughts creates a negative energy zone around our being and from there negative situations and reactions will materialize. 'How can this be?', we ask ourselves.
Our forefather's knew this ancient wisdom and they had a saying for those days when nothing went right~" got up on the wrong side of the bed"
Although we may scoff at those old sayings and beliefs, how much truth is there really in them? I would imagine these sayings, which have become so ingrained into our society and cultures, become so due to the way they follow the natural laws of the universe.
We all exist in fields of energy. We are all energetic beings. We emanate energy outwards into the energy field and we attract energy towards ourselves from the multi-layered energy field we each are immersed in.
Do you wonder why so many negative things happen to you on certain days? When something negative happens to you, do you stop and try to understand what has just taken place and why?
Do you look for the lesson in the negative occurrence and grow and become more tolerant because of it, or do you become bitter and angry and begin to not only allow yourself to feel anger towards the person who committed the act, but also towards yourself? Is this helping you?
Last year, after a very trying previous year in my life during which I learned a multiple of lessons in a very short time period, I began to see something that would change my life forever more. I became aware that if I'm doing the best I can with who I am, and doing my best to not harm anyone, and yet someone reacts badly towards me or does something to me which hurts me in some way, their actions are 99% about them, and little or nothing to do with me.
The next time you start to get angry at yourself or curse yourself out, STOP. Stop and think if you did the best you could do with what you had at the time. If you can answer 'yes', then forgive yourself and let it go.
Do not take on the guilt that other people wish to place upon you. Some people will use guilt to manipulate you or control you. Do NOT allow them to do this.
Always step back and consider who you are and if you are doing the best for this person or for the situation, then quietly step backwards and refuse to accept their guilt.
Sometimes we may find ourselves resorting to guilt inducing statements ourselves. Any feeling that we get within ourselves that causes us to feel conflicted or lacking joy, is an indication that something we are doing is not right. We have no right to place guilt on others, any more than we have the right to take it upon ourselves from others.
Existing in a negative field of energy serves no one, least of all ourselves.
Refuse to exist in a negative field of energy and if you find yourself in one, stop and ask for clarity and to be taken back to a place of harmony and rightness. Always, always, the universe is open to helping us, if we open ourselves to the universe/God.
Maintain your integrity and do not let anyone, including yourself, drag you down to a lower level.
Lower fields of energy are not places you want to be and when you allow yourself to be in one, you not only negatively affect yourself, you also affect all those who come into contact with you.
Not everyone is strong enough or has the skills or experience or strength to avoid being dragged down into a negative energy field.
How important is it, therefore, that we are extremely careful with what we are putting 'out there'?
Jo-Anne Smith, the author of this article, is a REALTOR® with Your Choice Realty , Burlington, Oakville and Mississauga, Ontario and welcomes your real estate inquiries. To contact her by email: Email Jo-Anne Smith